The transition from boy runner to man was a sneaky one. It was a change that happened over several years of running together and only on this day it became obvious to me, the mom and consistent running partner.
On this morning two weeks ago at 9:15 AM, Brad and I set out on an eight mile run. It started out as it usually does with Brad and I running along and chatting about a myriad of different current topics.
The run progressed and with it we fell into our respective paces. He began pulling ahead steadily. As I watched, he initially held back on his pace to give me a fighting chance, but he still pulled far ahead. Once upon a time he would always stay within a certain distance of me, periodically looking back, making sure I was still there. Now he ran. I suddenly saw that the transition had somehow occurred along the way.
He is younger, stronger, faster, and more driven. He pulls ahead because he knows the path and feels the pull to complete the task. He no longer waits for direction. He moves out of sight. I no longer worry that he will get hurt because we taught him well. I have faith that he will be there when we are at the established meeting spot.
In two days we will drop him off at West Point. He will be pulled away and we will quickly lose sight of him. I have faith because we taught him well and he is a smart and focused man. My job, as Mom, is going through a transition into the next phase. I will be here to support and provide guidance, when needed, but I will not be his full time mom any longer because he is older, stronger, faster, and more driven. I am not sure if he will look back on R-Day and that is ok.
Run, Brad, run.
I have had it. If I see another post about quick fixes, pills to take, or trash talking about their own body my head will explode. What are we doing to ourselves?
No more excuses. No more "I won't try because I will never be...".
Get off your ass and MOVE. Fuel your body with usable food that expires. Stop looking towards air brushed, surgically altered, emaciated photos of celebs for a personal goal. We will never reach it because it isn't real. What we will do is become a depressed, defeated, self deprecating example for our kids. Our kids see pieces of their parents when they look in the mirror. If we continuously bash ourselves in front of our children what are we teaching them when they look in the mirror and see that person? What are we teaching our boys about the postpartum body? What are we teaching our daughters about the female form? It is amazing. It forms LIFE. The cost of that miracle leaves marks. More miracles = more marks.
There is no perfect. There is no easy fix. What is beauty? Self respect. Working towards the best version of YOU. That pursuit of a healthier lifestyle makes you beautiful. If anyone tells you any differently - let me know and give me some contact info for that person.
Today I was hitting the Toddler Wall of Never. This is known as "neber" for many toddlers.
Every question I asked my little angel was met with the same response...."I neber do that, Mommy". In one day I heard:
I neber pee on a potty.
I neber wear big boy pants.
I neber take a bath.
I neber take naps.
I neber poop.
I neber......you get the point.
I tried valiantly to counter the tiny human's obstinance with counter arguments. "Chase, you need to poop, it's a very important daily event for your body to work properly".
It occurred to me that all my counter arguments were just that....arguments. Toddlers are just beginning to negotiate, but are still pretty far off from engaging in a discussion in which they consider your points in a rational manner. They want what they want and do not want to do what they find to be unappealing.
Ahhhhhh......it's like speaking to a client/friend/family member who doesn't want to make, what they consider to be, unappealing changes for better health. I will get the messages of sadness, confusion, and frustration regarding their current condition, but when I begin to put a plan together for them to conquer it - the excuses begin.
I don't have time.
I don't have money. (Love this one- those designer coffees, fast food stops, and junk from the center isles are NOT free, but money can be found, huh?)
I don't have workout clothes. (Yeah, I have heard this)
It doesn't sound like fun.
My family won't let me eat healthy.
I could go on and on, but the real issue comes down to effort. When you are ready to be proactive in your own health and wellness call me, because I can not workout for you. I struggle with my own food issues and time constraints - so you need to be a team player when making decisions at the store and working out. Stop making excuses! I will promise to continue to give you the counter arguments, support, and motivation. I will help you make a plan and I will completely understand the stumbling blocks along the way because I have been there, too. BUT, I can't do it for you. So, take charge of your life. Reach out. It's time for the change you have wanted....or you can stomp your foot and "neber" do it for a variety of excuses.
Gotta run....apparently Chase does poop......
Guest Blogger Amanda DeBlauw talks about commitment:
I headed out for a run today. This was my third run in the past week, prior to that, I hadn't run since November 2nd. At that time I was ten pounds lighter and running over a minute per mile faster at the same effort. Today was hard. It's one of those moments that I have every year, when I think back over the past couple months and think "Oh shit". But you know what? I didn't freak out. I don't regret a second of the fun that I have had over the past couple months. New friendships, good times, great travel. I wouldn't trade it for the world, and especially not for 10 lbs.
I have been in this place before. And I will be here again! I am an athlete. I also run a full time business, run a household on my own, have a second business, and try to fit in as much time with friends and family as I can. I have a full plate, just like you. It all comes down to desire and commitment. Do you WANT to be in shape? Do you WANT to lose weight? If you want something bad enough, no matter what it is, you will find a way to make it happen. Have you seen this video? Http://www.wimp.com/womangym/ Watch it, and then tell me "I can't". Go ahead. I dare you.
I am a health coach. I know how I should eat. I can tell you how to eat and work out so that you will drop weight and keep it off. It is easier to tell someone to do something and keep them on track than it is to do for yourself. I may be a coach, but i also HAVE a coach. Nothing comes easy in life. And if it does, it's probably not something you want to have. The good things are the things worth working for. I have met my coach before a workout before and he has gotten in my car and I have just cried. And he is there to pick up the pieces and put me back together. He is there to tell me, when I forget, that I will get back to where I was. He is there to keep me on track. It is all about accountability. Some days it would be easier to not run. Or bike. Or do anything. But when I know that someone else, besides me, is watching over my shoulder, it's a bit harder to make an excuse. I am like you. I have good days and bad days. I gain weight, lose weight, get discouraged. Sometimes I need a push to get me going. I'm not just here to preach to you, I'm here to help you through. Because I have been in the same place as you, and I know how to help you.
That's what a coach can do for you. We will keep you on track. We will help you along the way. We will hold you accountable. We will be there to pick up the pieces and help you to move forward. You may KNOW how to do it on your own, but that's what we are here for, so you don't have to.
I received my training as a Board Certified Holistic Health Practitioner (fancy title for "health coach") through the Institute for Integrative Nutrition. I am certified through the American Association of Drugless Practitioners (AADP). I became an athlete around age 20 when I started running to get in shape. I loved it and started running marathons, and about three years ago started into the world of triathlons. I have since completed 4 Ironman races. Www.optimalwellnesshealthcoaching.com
I own one pair of approved pants.
Orientation for my new job with a hospital begins tomorrow morning and goes for three days. I have been told, on multiple occasions during the interview process, that I am required to wear "business casual" clothing. That will be just fine, I tell them. No problem at all, I reply. I understand, I say. By the third time I am told about the attire I begin to think that they know my world revolves around workout clothes, scrubs, and my "nice" jeans. Here I am, the night before orientation begins and I realize I have one pair of approved pants. How can this be? I am a girl! I should want to have a closet full of nice clothes....party clothes, right? Wrong.
I am not a girly girl. I am a get sweaty girl. I am a get comfy girl. Does that mean that I care less about my appearance or how I present myself? I don't think so. I feel strongly that your character and the type of person you are will shine through your outer layers. We can dress up a really nasty personality and when they walk away you will remember their tone and not their great shoes that matched their bag. If I wear jeans to church God won't turn his back on me because it wasn't business casual attire.
I should take a moment each day to really look at myself and ask "Did the person I want to be shine through today regardless of all other distractions?" or "Would my children respect me more or less based on my demeanor in today's situations?". I worry that we carefully cover our feelings of sadness, of low sense of self worth, of embarrassment over our appearance. Maybe if we took a couple of layers off, we could find the strength to change what we can or seek help to change the areas we can't tackle alone. It isn't usually easy. It is usually outside of our comfort zone. There is strength to be found in numbers so reach out.
So, I will proudly wear my khakis on day one and three of my orientation and try to dazzle with my professionalism so that they won't know that I wore them twice that week. (I'll wash them between, I promise)
I guess I will shop for Day Two pants tomorrow.......
I ate a pop tart. I didn't plan on doing it. In fact I didn't plan a lot of things today....my snacks or my lunch....and that lead to my indiscretion. I didn't get my workout done. Apparently poor choices come in pairs....or maybe once you let go a little, it's easy to continue down a slippery slope of poor choices. What I do from here is what really matters. I don't like the way today made me feel, but I have to put it into perspective. I could be 45-50 pounds heavier, have knee pain, have back pain, and not know where to start to dig myself out of the hole. Oh wait....that WAS me. It took a series of better choices and careful planning that turned into a healthier lifestyle and changed my world.
Today was a day that I had really good quality time with my youngest. I didn't get frustrated over silly situations and I found joy in the little things. My day didn't totally go down the crapper with a couple of mistakes. I wouldn't allow it to. That's why tomorrow is a new day in which I will strive (plan) to succeed.
I just realized I forgot to get my toddler's teeth brushed before bed.......maybe poor choices actually come in threes.....
Pursuing a healthy lifestyle and setting a positive example for children can be filled with stumbling blocks and hurdles. Keeping a sense of self worth and a sense of humor is key. Perfection is unattainable, but effort produces results.